Why relationships matter
Arguments in relationships are normal, but if you find yourself doing any of the following with your partner or your child’s other parent, you may need help to sort things out because this can have an impact on your children:
- Arguing often
- Not resolving arguments
- Walking away from arguments
- Feeling angry and shouting
- Arguing in front of your children
You can watch a video on Parental conflict: the impact on children or read more below about how this sort of behaviour affects children.
When parents are struggling in their relationship, children are more likely to:
- Suffer from depression or anxiety
- Have physical health problems
- Develop problems with their own behaviour
- Do worse at school
Over time, this can affect them more long-term as they grow up. They may have difficulties in their own adult relationships, their mental health and wellbeing may be affected and it can cause problems for them at work.
The difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship
Arguments: Most parents argue at some point in their relationship, but a healthy argument tends to be focused on finding resolution and not on winning. In an unhealthy relationship arguing is personal, never gets to a solution and becomes about winning at all costs.
Take a look at the lists below and see which side your arguments would come under
- Staying calm
- Showing respect
- Acknowledging the other person’s view
- Focusing and paying attention
- Not laying blame
- Trying to find a solution
- Being affectionate
- Shouting and swearing
- Wanting to win
- Making personal comments
- Not listening
- Not focusing or paying attention
- Not working to find a solution
Conflict: Unhealthy conflict and domestic abuse are two separate things, but it can sometimes be difficult to work out if your relationship is abusive or just in a bad place.
As a general guide, your relationship with your partner, ex-partner or a member of your family is considered abusive if:
- they want to hold all the power and control
- you are fearful of them
- their abuse has happened more than once, or there is a pattern to their abuse
Helpful websites
Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline
Telephone: 0808 2000 247
Live chat available online:
Mon-Fri, 3 pm to 10 pm
BSL interpreter service:
Mon-Fri, 10 am to 6 pm
Confidential support and information in many languages for female survivors of domestic abuse on a range of issues such as legal, housing, money and children.
National Centre for Domestic Violence
Telephone: 0800 970 2070
Text: NCDV to 60777
Email: office@ncdv.org.uk
A free, fast emergency injunction service for survivors of domestic abuse regardless of their financial circumstances, race, gender or sexuality.
Telephone: 0808 8010 327
(Mon-Fri, 9 am to 8 pm)
Email: info@mensadviceline.org.uk
(Mon-Fri, 9 am to 8 pm, Sat-Sun, 10 am to 12 pm and 4 pm to 6 pm)
Webchat available via the website
Information and support for men who are experiencing or have experienced domestic abuse.
Telephone: 0800 999 5428 (Mon Tue Fri, 10 am to 5 pm, Wed Thu, 10 am to 8 pm)
Email: advice@galop.org.uk
National domestic abuse helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans + survivors of domestic abuse, sexual violence and hate crime.
Live webchat is available via the website.
For more information on getting help in your local area, click on your local authority badge below to see what they offer.